I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
