Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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