i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
