Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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