At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
send nudes
from the living room?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
