i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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