return my video game
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
