with your own penis?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
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I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
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Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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