Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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