im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
