Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
