No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
