my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
