so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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