I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
