she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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