That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
