so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Randomize