im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
