I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
