sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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