I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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