Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Did I show you my penis last night?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
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