I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Randomize
