I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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