I'm really into asian looking animals
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Randomize
