I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
