dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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