Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
My pussy is not your playground.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
