I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
