I want to have your abortion
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
