can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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