At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
