I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
There was a lot of him and a little penis
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
