The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
