3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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