booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
