So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
