...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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