Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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