Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
