Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
In America we eat man semen.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
