Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
The cops high fived after they tackled you
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
