Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
