dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
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