She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
