what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
