Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
