So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
