I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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