I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Randomize
