Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
