Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(585): View more from New York

you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."

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(347): View more from New York

These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.

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(620): View more from Kansas

And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.

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(269): View more from Michigan

all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird

(269): View more from Michigan

OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO

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(573): View more from Missouri

No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.

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(971): View more from Oregon

There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.

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(620): View more from Kansas

For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help

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