Bisexual people are plain selfish.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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