I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
