My room smells like vodka and shame
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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