It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
