The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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