I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
