This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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