I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
this is an emotional support booty call
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
