She went from zero to smokin in five shots
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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