U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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