whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Thank you for not boning my boss.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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