guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
