CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
What a dumb baby whore.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
