Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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