Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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