god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
