Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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