If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
