i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
