i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
