Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Randomize
