Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
