how can u be prego again
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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