I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
