I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
