Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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