I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
