Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Randomize
