Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
