People in love make me want to vomit
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
